We all have a mental image attached to the word bullying, but, in order to combat the real problem of bullying, we have to move beyond this simple definition. We need to be able to understand the difference between what bullying is and what it is not.<\/p>\n
As per definition, \u201cbullying is a pattern of behaviour by a person or group of people who repeatedly and intentionally exert power over another person<\/strong>.\u201d Therefore bullying is the intention of doing harm through repeated action over a period of time. What the definition does not elude to is that not all of the effects of bullying are visible. In fact, visible scratches, bite marks and bruises are not the real intention of a bully. Bullies want to dominate and control others. The bully knows what they are doing is hurting the other child, and they derive a certain amount of gratification from doing it.<\/p>\n Generally speaking there are four major types of bullying that occur: physical, verbal, social alienation, and cyberbullying.<\/p>\n 1. Physical bullying<\/strong><\/p>\n Typically, boys are more likely than girls to participate in physical bullying. Bullies are not always the biggest and \u2018baddest\u2019 children on the playground. They come in all shapes and sizes. Physical bullies attack their victims through hitting, pushing, tripping, slapping, stealing or destroying possessions and even sexual harassment or assault. It is all done to illicit a reaction out of the targeted child and to intentionally cause them harm. Physical bullying includes not only the physical act itself, but threats of physical harm. When a victim fears for his or her physical well being, this kind of bullying is taking place. Bullies can also threaten the friends of the targeted child thereby creating a situation where the child feels guilty if they do not remain the target of the bully\u2019s actions.<\/p>\n However, physical bullying is not the same as having a fight. Children routinely have fights and disagreements. This is part of the natural developmental process of growing up and testing the boundaries of what it acceptable and what is not. The bully, on the other hand, exerts physical power over a chosen target on multiple<\/em> occasions. Targets are usually chosen because the bully does not expect them to fight back.<\/p>\n 2. Verbal bullying<\/strong><\/p>\n Verbal bullying is also called relational bullying. When a child routinely puts down another person through their words, they are attempting to exert control over that person verbally. Girls are much more likely to engage in verbal bullying than boys. They do this through name calling, insults, gossip, spreading of rumours, teasing, taunting, intimidation, and sexist or racist remarks.<\/p>\n The effects of this kind of bullying may not be visible, but they are very real. Just like targets of physical bullying, targeted children of verbal bullying fear going to school. Furthermore, verbal bullying has a longer lasting impact on the targeted child than physical bullying. This is because words last longer than bruises, causing depression and anxiety in the child. These incidents of bullying may need to be taken more seriously than other forms of bullying.<\/p>\n Often this form bullying in overlooked at school, because there is no \u2018evidence\u2019 as in a bruise or a scratch, to \u2018prove\u2019 the event happened. It becomes a \u2018your word against mine\u2019 scenario, with teachers not knowing who to believe. The bully often knows how to manipulate the situation by lying, fake tears or compounds the story by adding more \u2018evidence\u2019 into the mix when called in by the teacher. Thereby making the situation no longer as clear-cut as it presented initially. The targeted child may then be victimised ever further by the school system that fails to assist them as no proof can be provided. The targeted child is also then less likely to ask for help in the future, from the system that indirectly perpetuates the bullying, and becomes further alienated and withdraws.<\/p>\n 3. Social alienation<\/strong><\/p>\n This is also called covert or indirect bullying. It is the hardest for parents and teachers to spot. Most of this kind of bullying goes on behind the victim\u2019s back through spreading rumors, smear campaigns, exclusion, and pranks. These negative gestures and public humiliation are very damaging elements to a developing child.<\/p>\n Bullies who attack through social alienation need an audience. They derive power in a social setting by exerting social control over another child. Other children are drawn in to participate as the bully dictates the social structure. This often happens in so-called popular groups, where one or two children are allowed to speak negatively about others or \u2018dis\u2019 others because of their popularity. Bystanders are used to participate in spreading the rumours and creating the climate of exclusion. We need to remember that sometimes bystanders participate out of fear of recourse from the bully. This then becomes a situation of secondary bullying, for lack of better terminology, where the bystander \u2018assists\u2019 in discrediting the targeted child to avoid being targeted themselves. However, the bystanders can also be used against the bully. When they stand up and refuse to participate with the bully\u2019s tactics, they take away the bully\u2019s power. For example in refusing to spread the rumours further and in including the targeted child no matter what stories that bully has brought about a particular child. Practically however this is very difficult to achieve as this type of bully, through the use of manipulation and fear of social consequences, dictates the social structure at school.<\/p>\n 4. Cyberbullying<\/strong>\u00a0<\/p>\n Cyberbullying is any sort of verbal or social bullying that occurs through an electronic device. With the increased access children have to cell phones and tablets, a breeding ground is created via the internet to be able to send threats, taunts, or insults via text messages, email, chat rooms, SMS, Facebook, Instagram or any other social media.<\/p>\n Unlike other forms of bullying, victims feel like there is no escape from cyberbullies. The information posted goes viral. The bullies follow them everywhere they go through their phones and the internet. Victims of cyberbullying often do not tell parents or school teachers because they are afraid their phone and computer privileges will be taken away. Ironically the situation then punishes the target and not the bully. Parents, of the targeted child, take the phone away in an attempt to protect their child, however the action is viewed as punishment so the child rather keeps quiet. In my experience as a therapist, the parents of the bully, do not take their child\u2019s phone away, thereby indirectly participate in the action of cyberbullying as well as indirectly condone their child’s behaviour.<\/p>\n To prevent such instances, parents of children with a cellphones or tablets can routinely check the messages sent, games played, and posts made by their child. It is not an invasion of their privacy. We need to remember they are not adults and have yet to develop the moral judgement that comes with maturity. A moral compass is something that children are taught, it\u2019s not naturally occurring in them.<\/p>\n The element essential in labelling an incident as bullying is in the definition that bullying is a pattern of behaviours, implying multiple events creating a pattern not one incident. While isolated incidents should be dealt with and children should be taught that any behavior that hurts another person physically or psychologically is unacceptable, they do not make the perpetrator a bully.<\/p>\n Bullying is never random. Victims are carefully targeted and pursued by the bully. It can be out of jealousy, or where the bully derives a degree of gratification from the power s\/he is exerting over the other child. Bullies repeatedly torment others with the purpose of doing harm, alienating, or excluding the targeted child over a period of time. Until a pattern of physically, verbally, or socially abusive behavior has been established, bullying has not occurred.<\/p>\n NB Children and teenagers do not have the cognitive or emotionally capabilities at this stage of their development to deal with bullying, and other types of situations effectively. We need to assist them and educate them. We need to teach them the right and wrong way in which we communicate with others.<\/p>\n If your child is in this position, please do not wait, seek assistance at the earliest possible time as the long term effects of bullying are very destructive. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" We all have a mental image attached to the word bullying, but, in order to combat the real problem of bullying, we have to move beyond this simple definition. We need to be able to understand the difference between what bullying is and what it is not. As per definition, \u201cbullying is a pattern of behaviour by a person or …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[85],"tags":[120,84,109,76,75,114,113,117,118,119,112],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.drilseruanepsychology.co.za\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/364"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.drilseruanepsychology.co.za\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.drilseruanepsychology.co.za\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.drilseruanepsychology.co.za\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.drilseruanepsychology.co.za\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=364"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.drilseruanepsychology.co.za\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/364\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":366,"href":"https:\/\/www.drilseruanepsychology.co.za\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/364\/revisions\/366"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.drilseruanepsychology.co.za\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=364"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.drilseruanepsychology.co.za\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=364"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.drilseruanepsychology.co.za\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=364"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}What bullying\u00a0is not<\/strong><\/h4>\n
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